The Reason I Exist.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mObK5XD8udk&safety_mode=true&persist_safety_mode=1


This. This is the reason I exist.

Inspiration? Never.

Please kill me. Every SINGLE time I attempt to write, everything just disappears.. All my inspiration, time, and work. It all just goes away. Papers need to be written, mothers accidentally exit out of your work without saving it, and nothing good and witty comes to mind... Ergh.

Anyway, something I should continue on, or maybe something I should start..? Hoping for some inspiration on a Lily/James full-length piece, but none has come... Obviously.

Here's my fanfiction account: http://www.fanfiction.net/~thesmellofautumn

Unsure

Have you ever felt just so... unsure? Like you're standing on the edge of a cliff looking down. Behind you, your worst fear. You can choose to face it, or choose to jump. Which would you?

Jump scenario: One last look over your shoulder answered the question for you. Taking in a deep breath, you closed your eyes, bent your knees, and pushed. For a moment, the feel of the cool air against your skin was almost comforting, then, all of a sudden, your stomach dropped and your eyes snapped open. You jumped. One great act of courage vs. another.

Facing your fears: To jump or not to jump? Not to jump. You turn slowly to see the thing you feared the most behind you. What will you do? Watch the outcome, or try and create a new outcome? Will you (figuratively) leap, instead of litterally?

I honestly cannot decide which of these acts is the most courageous. If you jump, you're running away from your fears, but you are also facing the possibility of death, or at least a serious injury. If you don't jump, if you turn and face your fears... Well damn, thats just terrifying. If you didn't jump, you thought of the outcome, and avoided "death".

And no one is here to answer this question for me... So unsure it is.

Invisible

I am invisible.

Fucking invisible.

Imagine this.

There you're sitting. In your seat; number seven. One headphone in your ear the other dangling somewhere around your chest. Trying to be casual, you'll mainly stare out the window to your left, watching kids walk past and board other buses. That's what others assume you're doing. Just watching. You know the truth. You're looking for him. That beautiful, beauitful boy. He doesn't walk past that window though. Then all too soon, he's getting onto the bus. Your eyes dart to the front and take him in. His tan skin, his beautiful mouth, wavy brown hair, chocolate eyes. Hell, you even notice what he's wearing that day. Whether it may be a blue beanie, a red t-shirt where you can see see the outline of his chest, the chain on his shorts, or even if he tried to match. You will notice. Because that's what you do.

Every day you will notice. You'll notice the headphone he has in his ear, just like yours. You'll notice how his eyes scan for a seat. You'll notice how he stands.

You'll also notice how he doesn't notice you.

Because you watch. You don't speak.

Because you're shy.

You're invisible.

Fucking invisible.

And God, does it hurt.

Sincerely,

You think you've got someone down, their personality, their thoughts, their likes/dislikes, and then they say something or do something and now you just don't know what to think. One racist remark, one biased comment, one long look, and your opinion has changed.

Whether it was the kid in my class who said some racist comment about mexicans, the kid who I THOUGHT was my friend, or the beautiful, beautiful boy who looked at me a bit too much to be normal today, opinions have changed.

God, can you please explain this one to me?

Sincerely,
A girl with red glasses and freckled cheeks

Paper Time

Oh will someone please murder my college professors so I can have some free-time instead of all this work? Yes, the time of the year when everyone wants their professors dead, "Paper Time" has finally come. The time when papers are due and tests are issued.

Anyway, one paper done, one to go, and still three major tests to complete. Fun fun fun. And THEN I can start writing again, just pray that I'm granted with inspiration.

I've started at least one major project already. I'm not sure what to call it, or where to post it, but I'll figure something out when I'm more together. So here's an excerpt, that I am oh-so willing to share with you.

Eyes locked, heart pounding, palms sweating, breath held--I spotted him. His eyes were the darkest shade of brown, matching his curly hair. His mouth parted to utter a simple "wow" to his friend. I tried to recover myself quick enough to smile, becaust this wasn't a fairytale, this was real.

Yeah, still don't know what to do with that one...