I was kidnapped, just kidding. I'm lazy.

See? This is what happens to me when I set a goal. I get too lazy, too busy, or too forgetful to keep up with it. So here are my make-up posts for the last FIVE DAYS.

So Sunday was graduation Sunday at my church and it felt so strange this year. Before it just felt sort of ritual because I was used to the seniors going... but this year I realized that these people and teenagers who are leaving are my friends. They are only a year older than me.. Though I go to the Early College and won't be leaving for another two years, it still felt incredibly strange to watch them leave. I can only imagine it will be worse next year, when my closer friends--the friends I grew up with--will be leaving and I won't be going with them. So after the two church services I stayed for because I play percussion in the church band (GO TRIANGLE!) my mom, dad, and I departed to visit my grandparents at their loverly lake house. (:

I always feel silly putting those smiley faces, but oh well. It felt necessary. The lake was super fun (: AND I GOT TO PLAY WITH THE ADORABLE PUPPY AGAIN!! I drove my grandfathers boat for the first time and that was simultaneously nerve-wracking and awesome. We also had an amazing dinner with these awesome cheese sticks my grandmother made. They were so good. A bit after dinner we came back home--I slept most of the way back and woke up sitting in a parking lot next to the carnival that was in town for this past week. I sat there staring at the lights for a solid ten minutes before I asked my mom why we were sitting in a car staring at the carnival. Apparently we were meeting someone.

MONDAY my dad was smoking butt and various other meats. Now that may sound super strange if you don't live in the south or are not extremely familiar with excellent BBQ, but oh god.... my dad's smoked butt is the best. Ever. We worked on our chores Monday and even though it was Memorial Day and most people were next to a body of water, I wasn't . I stayed home, helped around the house, and felt... bored. I suppose if anyone is reading this they are now expecting me to say how I pondered and had a quiet moment for the past soldiers. I guess I should have. It was memorial day... but I didn't. I sat on my porch swing listening to country music about summer romance. Which is a rare thing for me to do, but I felt melancholy and wanted some good old country.

Though my dad was smoking butt, we didn't eat it. We had chicken and turkey kielbasa along with the best pasta salad in the world and delicious broccoli slaw. As a surprise after dinner, we went to carnival. (: The atmosphere was wonderful, the lights, the smell, the rides, the foods.... Mmm the foods.

Tuesday wasn't near as exciting as Sunday and Monday I went to my summer school math class. Then I had a fouette rehearsal at the stage directly after class. That went surprisingly well. I expected the stage to be a little more rough then it was, but with some rosen the fouettes actually worked out... I'm still nervous about performing them on June 8th. No matter how many times I can get them in rehearsal.. if I don't get them on stage, I'll feel pathetic and like a failure. My best friend, Raya, invited me to come to the park to play volleyball with her and a few of our other good friends after the rehearsal... but I didn't go. It was really hot and I had dogs at home to take care of. Later I went to my regular dance class and danced for 3 1/2 hours.

Wednesday!! Wednesday was May 29th. Though my book was released May 28th, I didn't get a chance to buy it on my nook until Wednesday morning before my math class. I was so excited.... before I got in bed that night I had read half of the book. And that's including the two and half hours I had my math class and the hour I had of hand bells practice AND when I watched Beautiful Creatures with my mother. Oh. My. Goodness. That. Movie! That is not a good reaction. I read the first book in the series before I stopped reading it, but goodness. I KNOW that is not how the story is supposed to go. AND WHY THE HECK DID THEY NEED THE STRONG SOUTHERN ACCENTS?!? I know the story takes place in South Carolina... I've been to South Carolina and most people there do not talk in such a strong accent. Everyone in the movie talked like that too!! It made me want to speak in a strong accent. Anyway, after I was severely disappointed by the movie I went upstairs, climbed in bed, and read my book again. Of course, everything exciting started happening, people began to die, lovers began to love, a war began, main characters died and made terrible promises... I couldn't put it down!! Until I realized it was three in the morning and I had to wake up at six... So I am running on three hours of sleep! Huzzah!

This morning I woke up, got to the school building and finished my book. Of course it ended happily and I was very pleased, but then I felt that hollow feeling inside me that I always feel when I finish a series. That feeling that says, "what to do now?" After finishing my book I helped my boyfriend with his math quiz and then we went to class. After class I had another fouette rehearsal... Which I would rather not discuss. It went well turn-wise and that is all I will say. Anyway, I came home and watched New Girl until dance began again and I returned to the studio. Practice went well and now I'm just flat-out exhausted. I hit the wall a little too hard in my tap dance and my toes are sore from the fouettes, but that's dance for ya. And all the complaining? Yeah that's just me. It's not actually that bad. I just like talking and sometimes complaining is all I can think to say.

I'm pooped. And this song keeps coming on my radio: Get Lucky by Daft Punk

Sweet dreams! I shall write you tomorrow!

Jam, Flowers, S'mores, and a Puppy.

Hello my dear people, how you be today? Today I have been incredibly productive! I woke up much earlier than I would have liked to to assist my mother in making blackberry jam, my favorite. The jam came out wonderfully. Have you ever made anything or grown something in a garden and then ate it and just felt so proud of yourself? It's something you've created! AND its good!!

After our jam was complete and jarred and all the lids had popped, signifying our skill in sealing jars, we went to a nursery and picked out some lovely flowers to decorate our garden with. Today, an exciting event was happening--it does not include our flowers but this is where it began. We planted our flowers and as we were doing so, my grandmother came over with her dog, Harley, and told us my grandpa was on his way back. This is the exciting part. My grandpa was coming back with his new puppy, and who doesn't love puppies?!? So we stalled. It was worth the wait.

This is the cutest little puppy--aside from my own dog who didn't even look real when she was a puppy. This is my excitement of the day. This and my dinner.

We made a campfire in our fire pit and roasted hot dogs and made deliciously sticky s'mores. (: Today has been a swell day. Enjoy a puppy:



Music: Whisper by A Fine Frenzy

A Summer Challenge

Good morning sunshine... the world says hello! Just kidding. It's not morning and the world doesn't say hi. I have a challenge for myself. So this entire summer (I'm starting with small goals because I usually do not tend to complete my goals...) I want to write ONE post per day here. They will most likely including something about my day. Maybe I'll rant about something stupid my boyfriend did, or maybe something funny my dog did, or maybe something I cooked that day, or maybe I'll make something up just for the heck of it. I just want to write again and think this would be a simple and fun release of my creative juices or whatever you'd like to call them. 

OH, if I don't post every day--it may be because I cannot get to an internet source. In that case, I am either on vacation, kidnapped, or I've died. Don't worry about me though, someone will take care of it. If I didn't die or if I was not kidnapped, I'll do double posts about my adventures from the past few days to make up for the time I have missed. 

So.. Come along Pond. I mean.. whoever may be reading my blog. Apparently I get views, just no comments. Anyway, this is my summer of 2013 and it officially started 2 weeks ago... I just decided to be creative today. Let the writing begin.... Tomorrow. Sleep well! Or have a good day! I'm not exactly sure what time zone you might be in.. Anyway, tomorrow. 

MUSIC: Come To Me (live from Troubadour) by the Goo Goo Dolls

I grew a beard while listening to this song. 

Life, Perks, and Other Issues

Okay so it's been a while since I've posted or said anything. Maybe no one actually reads these, but I think it helps me to let it out. I think it helps me to shout and scream and cry and maybe even once in a while write something down here, because maybe somewhere out there... someone else is feeling the exact same way.

Life is shit.

It is now and it always has been. There is no way to escape how incredibly shitty life is and there are all these quotes out there saying that happiness is accepting that life sucks and dealing with it. I don't think that can be happiness.. I'm not sure happiness even exists any longer once you reach a certain age. Definitely not the same free joy you had as a child swinging on a swing.

Another thing that's shit? People. People are shit.

Everyone is shitty. I'm shitty, he's shitty, she's shitty.  Maybe we're all shitty about different things, but we're all shitty. That is a truth of life that comes to you when you've accepted that the world is terrible place and you've decided just to deal with it.

If there is anyone out there reading this, don't worry. I have a pretty good life. I go to my community college, I plan to transfer to a university in a couple years, I eat plenty (probably more than I should, yet I'm still not overweight), I laugh a lot, and sleep enough. I just get stressed sometimes and have breakdowns. Doesn't everyone though? Doesn't everyone know how difficult things can be? Maybe happiness still does exist. Maybe happiness is fooling myself into believing that everything is fine and easy.

What brings this on, you might ask? Welp. School is a factor. I have tests coming up and projects that need to be done and I cannot wrap my head around what needs to be done first. Then on top of that I have dance class. Which is usually.. I don't know. I don't think its ever been a "release." Dance is just.. dance. With certain people and certain teachers its fun! Others... Others are terrible. Lately, the terrible seem to be standing out. Not only have I been worrying about school and dance, but also the Famine. Yay! February is Famine time! My youth pastor asked me if I would like to help take part in the planning of the Famine and I was ecstatic. "Yes I would love to help plan!" The Famine has always been an important part of my February and my religion. To me, it is the best thing my youth group does and I thought it would be fun to take part in it. Maybe I just took on too much. I'm so tired of trying so hard.. I try hard to be good at dance, try hard to finish my work on time and turn everything in with hopes of A's, I've tried hard to organize three worship services for this weekend, and I've tried hard with my friends who don't try hard back. I think I'm loosing my kindness.. I would say I need help.. and maybe I eventually will, but I think it's just them. They're ruining me.. and it's because I care too much and I try too hard.

I've been watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower a lot lately and I've come to the conclusion that it is one of my favorite movies. This movie also helps to remind me that my life, its so easy compared to his and those of the characters in the movie. To me though... my life is hard. As soon as I think that, I feel ridiculous because I know there are worse things out there..

Music: "Heroes" David Bowie (I love David Bowie)

Rant to Breathe Easy Again

Are you fucking kidding me. Where is your personality? Where are your fucking faults? I know you aren't perfect. No one is. How can one person be so incredibly fake? How can others stand it? I can't be the only one so impossibly annoyed by the way she acts as if she's the most darling little thing there ever was. Why can't others see it?

I don't understand. She isn't always like this. Sometimes she can be funny... a good laugh. Sometimes a good friend. Not so much lately.

She makes all the wrong decisions, and I know she's not the only one making these dumb decisions, I just happened to think she was better than them. I knew with my whole heart that she was better than those damn decisions, I knew that she deserved better. I guess she didn't.

"We accept the love we think we deserve." -Stephen Chbosky

It's true. Another thing that might be true.. is that once we settle... we become something worth settling for. When we lower ourselves for someone else, others see us as lowered as well.

I don't think so high and mighty of myself... I'm no where near perfect, I make mistakes and ruin things, but I strive to be better.

Don't ever lower yourself. Raise yourself up. Strive for the best. One day, you'll get it.

Music: Falling Slowly by Kris Allen

Books

Books.. are misleading. They let you believe in the fairy tale of sweet never-ending summers and everything going your way. I love believing in those kind of things. I love fairy tales even if they're just that. Fairy tales. It sort of gives you hope, to believe in the good things. Books make it look easy to connect to people. In romances, the girl is always accidentally running into her conquest, or maybe they live on the same street, or are sharing the same summer house. I've always wanted this to happen to me. To make it so incredibly easy to stay in touch, to fall in love, to be happy and close. Sometimes, it is. Most of the time, it isn't. However, no one would read a book where the girl only saw the man she loved roughly twice a year. People want a quick, continuous love story and then a happy ending. That's what we want in life too. Sadly, that's not how it works. There are the lucky ones though... The ones who do actually go to a boy-girl boarding school and fall in love and the ones who do live on the same street and end up marrying their next-door neighbor. I'm not one of them. I can't complain... too much. I have my boy. Though he doesn't live as close as I'd like him to. He makes me happy,  happier than I thought I could be, but there are still the things we can't have. We can't be as close as we'd like, we aren't as old as we'd want to be. We're too young to move forward, but I'm glad I found him and he found me.

Here I am saying books are misleading, when sometimes, they aren't. At all. Sometimes, the books are so similar to your life that its eerie. The main character does some of the exact same things you do, wears the same kind of shoes, has the same type of favorite cake, their best friend acts exactly like yours.. Sometimes, the books are too close to reality. And then, in that situation, you want everything to go well. So so well for them, because they're just like you! Then when it doesn't, you're so devastated, because it's like its you things are going bad for..

I suppose I'm sitting on the fence about whether I consider them misleading or not.. I've just always thought that life was so much harder than my books made it out to be. If I ever write a book, though.. mine would be the fairy tale kind... Close to reality, but so much happier.

To close, my suggested read, "The Summer I Turned Pretty" and a song to get you by, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aD12z02BOXY

I'm happy. It feels so good.

Damn Caring

I shouldn't care. It won't happen. I'm overreacting. This is killing me. I'm annoyed with myself.

Fuck.

I don't even know how to explain it. I'm just so irked over it. I shouldn't be. I'm over him, they're just friends, it probably won't happen anyway. I just can't ignore the fact that she doesn't care. Doesn't think twice about it. Of course that's just her attitude, a quick flippant "sure!" and moving on. Why don't things matter to her? EVERYTHING matters to me.

Maybe I care too much. Or maybe... she just cares too little.

August 10, 2011 Ramble Number One

Have you ever just felt tired? Just so tired of doing what you have to? Being who you are--with all your horrible qualities? There is no escape for that, though. You're just stuck. Yeah, well, I'm tired of my "super power". You see, my best friend and I have taken some qualities of ours (hers the ability to burp and spit like a forty-year old man, and mine, my least favorite thing about me) and deemed them our "super powers". They are rather horrible super powers. I want something more than what I have... For I am the Queen of Awkward Silences.

Yep. No way around it. Even if I have a few chatty people that I barely know, if they're around me, it's less of a chance a conversation will be held. I can't help it. I'm just awkward. I know, small talk. Well small talk never works. Every time I hear those words I think of the weather. Chatting about the weather. Can you see me chatting about the weather? I don't hardly know ANYTHING about the damn weather! So what am I supposed to do then? Ask them their favorite color? That is always the second thing I think of... Any one got any hints? I don't want to be the Queen of Awkward Silences. I want to be able to talk easily to people without my face heating up and my stomach flipping three times in the span of two seconds.

You know what would be an amazing super power? The ability to read minds... I know some will say, "oh that's lame, I want to be able to fly!" Really, I never found the appeal of flying. It's not that I'm insecure! See when I think of people wanting to read minds they want to hear what others are thinking of them. That could be either disastrous or a great confidence-booster. That's not what I'd want it for, though that would be interesting... I want it because, hey, it really could improve my small talk. That, and I would hopefully develop quite a thick skin, so as to not be easily offended. Wouldn't that just be marvelous?

So, question for you... Any tips on small talk AND if you could have a super power, what would it be?

As always.

Ello world. I'm not aiming for the poetic, deep look right now, so bear with me.

So school is back. Oh the tragedy... Course we aren't doing anything yet. It's quite sad. We all just go there and sit around, nothing to do. I would work on my new L/J long fic, but really, in a school full of nerds do I really need to be the nerdiest? Why yes of course I do. ;D

Anyway, I've discovered Doctor Who. I've only seen a few episodes so far, but they're amazing. I don't know what it is, the thrilling stories every show, the Ninth Doctor's enthusiasm, or maybe its just the accents. Whatever it is, I am hooked and loving it.

Now, onto what you've been dying to hear... The "Invisible" boy. (And here comes the "poetic" part I promised I wouldn't do..)

He's as beautiful as ever.. Dark hair tousled, brown eyes searching, always searching... His mouth set, determination easily read in his features. His skin darker than normal, of course that was expected. What wasn't expected was the action, or lack thereof. He never placed a foot on my bus. Its as if every time I get close to this boy, fate tears me apart. I hate it. I want him. I want all of him. Once again, I rarely know what I want, and when I do know, I also know I can never have it. Just my luck.

To end on a more positive note, the beach was incredible. As always.

My Harry Potter

Yes I had to do this, if not only to reminisce and share my experience, but because Jules did it first.

I don't know how old I was when my mom first read me the very first page of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I just remember laying in bed, every night, anticipating finding out what was going to happen to Harry next. For years I remember lying in bed as my mom reads me Chamber of Secrets, filled with horrific spiders and venomous snakes, and then Prisoner of Azkaban, delighting me with tales of lovable jokers and learning of Harry's family, then lastly, we began The Goblet of Fire. That was a hard book for me to focus on. After years and years of the series being narrated in her voice, I wanted to test out how it sounded in my voice. So, still in bed, my mom sitting at my feet listening in, I lifted the heavy book and attempted to read.

For some reason, the book held no interest. I remember reading and reading and reading the first chapter over and over, in attempt to make sense of it, to connect to it, to find some detail that would spark my imagination, but I couldn't. At this point, my mom had stopped listening to me read the same chapter each night every night and this caused me to put the book down. Hidden on my book shelf was the four books and for years, I forgot them.

I remember seeing the movies in theaters. The first one was in competition with Lord of the Rings in my town, and because I considered myself loyal to Harry, I immediately favored Potter and held some-what of a grudge against Lord of the Rings (which my brothers went to see as my Dad and I went to see Sorcerer's Stone). If one thing was constant about my Potter film adventures it was that my Dad was always there, right by my side.

Then, there was the dramatic break. Between Goblet of Fire and Order of the Phoenix. At this point, I was so used to one movie per year that the anticipation nearly killed me. I remember vacationing that year when they made the announcement that no Potter movie would be released until 2007. I was so upset. I can recall standing in front of my mom and dad with my brother, Gary on the couch as I ranted on and on. Though I may have abandoned the books, I still was a loyal attendant at the movies.

Then the movie came out. Ohmygoodness. I am so ashamed of the fact that for a few moments, I actually shipped Cho and Harry. Of course, not actually having read the last four books, which in fact had been released, I momentarily thought that they were the best thing since sliced bread. At this point I was in sixth grade. And let me tell you, sixth grade was horrible. More on that later.

So, as you may know, Deathly Hallows had in fact been released and though I wasn't currently reading the Potter series, I had opened the book. No, I didn't own it, and no, I never thought I would. In a moment of curiosity, with my mom by my side, egging me on, we entered a bookstore and walked straight up to the display. Orange covers with red letters spelling out Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows were all I could see. I grabbed a top one, and without a thought I flipped it over and flicked through the blank pages until I found the last page. Though more than a bit confused with the context the last words were enough to satisfy me, "The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well." He lived through it all. He lived! That was all that mattered. Not the intricate details, not all the time and hard work put into the book, just the fact that I knew he was going to be okay, it calmed me. How different that is today...

Anyway, back to sixth grade. There was this class, one of the most boring classes at our school. It was an elective that I was not planning on electing later when I actually had the choice. Basically we had to think about what we were going to do in college (then I believed I was going to be a chef) and with the rest of our lives. Our seats would change every so often and one day, I was sat next to this boy. Was he beautiful? Not really. Sandy colored hair, blue eyes, a small chin offset by his large nose, but he made me laugh and he had a book I recognized. Everyday, on his desk sat Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. For some reason, I was drawn to him. To this day, I'm not sure what it was, but if not to date him, I just wanted to be his friend. His name was Nick. He was my first attempt at "Potter Love". So figuring I was caught up with the movies, I skipped Goblet of Fire and Order of the Phoenix. One day not too long after recognizing his book, a book similar sat beside his on our shared desk. This was Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

When I had first received it in the mail, I tore open the package and quickly opened the book. The first chapter was the most confusing thing I had ever read. After trusting and believing in the Order of the Phoenix on the television, I was shocked and felt utterly betrayed to discover that Snape was in fact, as Harry had suspected so many years ago, bad! A Death Eater! I had so much to learn... Wanting oh-so-badly to be able to have a specific reason to talk to Nick, I zoomed through the book, but at this point, I was hooked. Harry Potter was slowly becoming more than just a story to me. I had Deathly Hallows and Order of the Phoenix within weeks of finishing. My plan was to finish the series and then go back and read Goblet of Fire and Order of the Phoenix so I better understood.

If you're wondering, me and Nick did talk. In fact, we came very close to actually dating, we would flirt a lot, he would walk me to class, with our identical Deathly Hallows in our arms, we would even get to class early so we could switch the name tags and place ours together (we would often get in trouble for talking at this point and were constantly separated). Until he was teased by his friends and then stopped talking to me. Prat.

Sometime in between finishing HBP and losing Nick I discovered Potter Puppet Pals, and all the fan videos of Harry/Ginny (which was my OTP now). Wherever there is Harry/Ginny there must be Ron/Hermione (just because it's oh-so-cannon). Then... I found something odd, something unbelievable. A Hermione/Fred video. Out of curiosity I watched it. Apparently it was a trailer for a fanfiction called "The Next Mrs. Weasley". Now I would recommend it, but I haven't read it in a while and back then, well, let's say I wasn't used to being spoiled by Jules and TLAT. This is how I discovered fanfiction. For some reason, I found the idea of Fred/Hermione entertaining and stuck with it (maybe this sparked my love for the Weasley twin, I'll never know, but a picture of James and Oliver Phelps currently resides on the backside of my iPod).

Here is where (and imagine this being after I've already cried over Deathly Hallows--especially the resurrection stone section, and I've already decided that James and Lily are adorable) I become the L/J shipper. I hadn't really paid them much attention before, but once I found their characters, it was like I couldn't stop. Everything was Lily/James this, Lily/James that, my mom was almost at her breaking point of my obsession. I was of course in seventh grade now, well on my way for a better year filled with friends and boys (which it was ;D ) and was converting Harry Haters to Harry Lovers.

Anyway, I attempted writing a long L/J fic, and it started well, I had a good idea, knew the ending already, but what was I going to fill it with? So I decided I should probably just stick to drabbles and one-shots until I figured out how to become my determined. I'm still figuring out how to become determined.

The next year Half-Blood Prince was released in movie theaters. I saw it twice, once with my ever-faithful father, and once with my grandmother (who had no idea what was going on at this point). It was amazing. By-far the most hilarious HP movie yet! Though they did mess with the Harry/Ginny kiss, which bothered me to no end. I was hooked anyway.

That summer I discovered "A Very Potter Musical". I cannot believe it honestly took me that long. I immediately fell in love with Darren Criss and I downloaded the soundtrack from their website minutes after finishing the play. I would run around the house when no one was around screaming the lyrics to "Get Back to Hogwarts".

Then. Oh my goodness, then. HBP came out on DVD--and here's where it get's exciting--an ad. Not any old HP ad about video games, this one, this one was much much more. This, was a theme park. Orlando. Island of Adventures. This very summer. I was dying. I watched special after special and soon I found myself visiting Grandma and Grandpa down in Sebastian. Of course they would take me, anything to spend more time together.

It was a week after opening day, my Grandma, Grandpa, and Bryanna (my cousin) were there. It was a three-hour wait to get into Hogsmeade, but Merlin, it was wonderful. Snow-capped buildings, the Hogwarts Express, a cool glass of Butterbeer (sweet and bubbly, just as I imagined), and even two bottle of Pumpkin Juice to go around. That day was amazing. I sent a letter via owl post, I bought my first wand (Remus Lupin's. At that point they didn't have any other of the Marauder's wands made), I got a chocolate frog (it was massive. Took me a YEAR to eat!), I also got a Marauder's Map T-shirt. I took a Forbidden Journey with Harry, Hermione, and Ron.. I can't even begin to condense the magic that I felt there, inside the castle, on the ride, everywhere. It was the most magical day of my life.

That November Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One came out in theaters. It was the beginning of an end that I didn't want to happen, but I couldn't help as the excitement bubbled. I had a party. Not a "anybody's welcome, bring your own beer" kind of party. A party where you make props, buy costumes, plan games, cook a feast! I felt like a kid, but Harry Potter always made me feel that way. Six girls, all dressed in Hogwarts robes. I now own a Sorting Hat, we all were sorted upon arriving (I'm a Hufflepuff, and quite proud to be one). Then we ate, and ate, and ate! At least three different meats, two kinds of potatoes, I was just surprised that it all fit on my rather small dining room table... Lastly, before we departed to go see the "beginning of the end" we had a Horcrux Hunt. I was quite proud of myself for this idea. The prizes (which I had actually won, more on that later...) consisted of a rip-off chocolate frog, Drooble's Best Blowing gum, and an authentic Honeydukes bar of chocolate (from my visit this past summer). After spray-painting our Tonks-look-a-like's hair, we left. I just don't feel I can comment much on the movie until I have seen Part two, but I can say I was pleased. (:

Onto how I won those prizes... well I go to this err... for lack of a better term, "Nerd School" where you can earn your AA degree and high school diploma in five years. Apparently, I'm not the only HP dork that can be found at this school. I was surrounded and it was wonderful. So our Key Club (which I am a part of) decided to hold a Harry Potter Social. It was intended for the week before the movie, but then they brought the date down to Thursday. Day before my party. Right. Excellent. I had to go though. It was a HARRY FREAKING POTTER Social! How could I miss this? So I was there. In a heartbeat. Had my robes on and everything. I hate to say most of the event was pretty boring. They did have a Dobby statue, and a raffle ticket (how I won the candy), they also held a costume contest which I surprisingly didn't win, and also a Harry Potter trivia game. This is where I saw him. He partnered with his sister and I partnered with my friend, Liz. I hadn't seen him around much before, but I did know who he was, and I did know he was a Potterhead. Oh and I did know he was attractive. Our tables were in the front, seated beside each other, I'm not sure why, but he sat on the side closest to me, and I closest to him. Every time someone would answer a question, we of course knew the answers and would turn to each other and give a sly grin. Once, I remember that no one could actually figure out the answer to a question so we referred to each other and still came up with the wrong answer. This was my second chance at "Potter Love" and once again, it failed. He a junior, I a freshman. How on earth was I supposed to catch up with this boy to say hi once and a while?! It was infuriating. One good chance at a HP romance, and I lost it.

So here is where I settled down. I read TLAT constantly, currently rereading Deathly Hallows, watching all the movies, dressing up in my Hufflepuff robes Friday and heading to the late showing with my best friend, Raya, Brooke, and as a birthday present, Sean. I'd sufficiently say I'm a part of the Potter Generation. Having grown up with Harry, its bittersweet to see him go. But I suppose he never will truly be gone... and I promise you now, my children will live, eat, and breathe Harry Potter.

Because it's a part of me now. It's helped to shape me into who I am, who I will be, and who I want to be.

Thanks J.K. Rowling.

I'm a freaking Hufflepuff.

I've made a mistake.

I've jumped to conclusions, I've been horrid, jealous, and bitter.

I know I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to actually like myself...

I always had thought that I had my personality. I had that. That was the best thing about me. I thought I wasn't pretty enough, I thought I wasn't skinny enough, but at least I had my personality. The best part about me. Then I do things, in the heat of the moment, I say things, filled with emotion that I know I will regret, but I just don't care, because it sounds good. It makes me look like the good guy when I truly know I'm just a horrible cold person. A person who tries.

You may think it's smart to hate me and to ignore me. Maybe it is. You would know after all. But I'm not going to give up. Because that's not who I am.

Let me just say this... I'm sorry. To all I've hurt, toyed with, and broken.

I'm just sorry.

It Would Sound Lovely

I ran into you the other day. You looked just as I remembered, beanie covering your brown hair, skin a lovely tan color, the sound of your voice, your amazingly dark brown eyes. It was all just too much. You saw me again, those dark eyes latching onto my own.

Though we didn't speak (because I had my friends and you had yours), I saw the recognition.

You remembered too.

My breath hitched, my body tensed, and I knew every movement, every step was basing your opinion on me. Thoughts raced through my mind.

Has he noticed my absence on the bus?

Has he looked for me?

Does he even know my name?

Do you? Do you know my name? Do you doodle it in the margins of your papers? Do you imagine how it would sound with yours?

It would sound lovely.

Wondering

Sometimes I wonder about you. I wonder what you're like, if you think of me, if you ask about me... I wonder if we'd be good together, I wonder if we'd have a chance... I wonder if you still can see me, or if I'm invisible again..?

Am I?

Please tell me I'm not, because though I'm a girl who never really knows what she wants... I know I want you.

Shit.

Why am I not photogenic? Damn.

Well... at least I'm nice and generally happy. That's gotta make up for something.

I can't believe I just don't have the words to say for once. Ergh. This is seriously frustrating me, because being photogenic seems to be the only important thing in this day and age.

Just...

Shit.

Flying

He looked.

The shy girl with red glasses and freckled cheeks isn't quite as invisible as she once thought.

She had stopped looking for his face long ago. She had given up the possibility of being seen. But today had been a good day, and she missed his face oh-so-much. So she peeked.

His tan skin, beautiful mouth, dark dark eyes. It was like a breath of fresh air. She immediately wished to be closer to him. Then, something new. The seat to her right [number eight precisely] was suddenly occupied.

Startled, but not disappointed, she watched him out of the corner of her eye, feeling oddly aware. Without much warning he peeked at her as well. His dark dark eyes were finally on her and she was flying.

With as little as two blinks time, the moment was gone. The rest of the ride, she listened to him speak, cherishing the sound of his voice. Then, for the remainder of the day, all she could focus on was the feeling of his eyes on her.

Of those dark dark eyes on her.

Of being seen.

Of flying.

The Reason I Exist.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mObK5XD8udk&safety_mode=true&persist_safety_mode=1


This. This is the reason I exist.

Inspiration? Never.

Please kill me. Every SINGLE time I attempt to write, everything just disappears.. All my inspiration, time, and work. It all just goes away. Papers need to be written, mothers accidentally exit out of your work without saving it, and nothing good and witty comes to mind... Ergh.

Anyway, something I should continue on, or maybe something I should start..? Hoping for some inspiration on a Lily/James full-length piece, but none has come... Obviously.

Here's my fanfiction account: http://www.fanfiction.net/~thesmellofautumn