I was kidnapped, just kidding. I'm lazy.

See? This is what happens to me when I set a goal. I get too lazy, too busy, or too forgetful to keep up with it. So here are my make-up posts for the last FIVE DAYS.

So Sunday was graduation Sunday at my church and it felt so strange this year. Before it just felt sort of ritual because I was used to the seniors going... but this year I realized that these people and teenagers who are leaving are my friends. They are only a year older than me.. Though I go to the Early College and won't be leaving for another two years, it still felt incredibly strange to watch them leave. I can only imagine it will be worse next year, when my closer friends--the friends I grew up with--will be leaving and I won't be going with them. So after the two church services I stayed for because I play percussion in the church band (GO TRIANGLE!) my mom, dad, and I departed to visit my grandparents at their loverly lake house. (:

I always feel silly putting those smiley faces, but oh well. It felt necessary. The lake was super fun (: AND I GOT TO PLAY WITH THE ADORABLE PUPPY AGAIN!! I drove my grandfathers boat for the first time and that was simultaneously nerve-wracking and awesome. We also had an amazing dinner with these awesome cheese sticks my grandmother made. They were so good. A bit after dinner we came back home--I slept most of the way back and woke up sitting in a parking lot next to the carnival that was in town for this past week. I sat there staring at the lights for a solid ten minutes before I asked my mom why we were sitting in a car staring at the carnival. Apparently we were meeting someone.

MONDAY my dad was smoking butt and various other meats. Now that may sound super strange if you don't live in the south or are not extremely familiar with excellent BBQ, but oh god.... my dad's smoked butt is the best. Ever. We worked on our chores Monday and even though it was Memorial Day and most people were next to a body of water, I wasn't . I stayed home, helped around the house, and felt... bored. I suppose if anyone is reading this they are now expecting me to say how I pondered and had a quiet moment for the past soldiers. I guess I should have. It was memorial day... but I didn't. I sat on my porch swing listening to country music about summer romance. Which is a rare thing for me to do, but I felt melancholy and wanted some good old country.

Though my dad was smoking butt, we didn't eat it. We had chicken and turkey kielbasa along with the best pasta salad in the world and delicious broccoli slaw. As a surprise after dinner, we went to carnival. (: The atmosphere was wonderful, the lights, the smell, the rides, the foods.... Mmm the foods.

Tuesday wasn't near as exciting as Sunday and Monday I went to my summer school math class. Then I had a fouette rehearsal at the stage directly after class. That went surprisingly well. I expected the stage to be a little more rough then it was, but with some rosen the fouettes actually worked out... I'm still nervous about performing them on June 8th. No matter how many times I can get them in rehearsal.. if I don't get them on stage, I'll feel pathetic and like a failure. My best friend, Raya, invited me to come to the park to play volleyball with her and a few of our other good friends after the rehearsal... but I didn't go. It was really hot and I had dogs at home to take care of. Later I went to my regular dance class and danced for 3 1/2 hours.

Wednesday!! Wednesday was May 29th. Though my book was released May 28th, I didn't get a chance to buy it on my nook until Wednesday morning before my math class. I was so excited.... before I got in bed that night I had read half of the book. And that's including the two and half hours I had my math class and the hour I had of hand bells practice AND when I watched Beautiful Creatures with my mother. Oh. My. Goodness. That. Movie! That is not a good reaction. I read the first book in the series before I stopped reading it, but goodness. I KNOW that is not how the story is supposed to go. AND WHY THE HECK DID THEY NEED THE STRONG SOUTHERN ACCENTS?!? I know the story takes place in South Carolina... I've been to South Carolina and most people there do not talk in such a strong accent. Everyone in the movie talked like that too!! It made me want to speak in a strong accent. Anyway, after I was severely disappointed by the movie I went upstairs, climbed in bed, and read my book again. Of course, everything exciting started happening, people began to die, lovers began to love, a war began, main characters died and made terrible promises... I couldn't put it down!! Until I realized it was three in the morning and I had to wake up at six... So I am running on three hours of sleep! Huzzah!

This morning I woke up, got to the school building and finished my book. Of course it ended happily and I was very pleased, but then I felt that hollow feeling inside me that I always feel when I finish a series. That feeling that says, "what to do now?" After finishing my book I helped my boyfriend with his math quiz and then we went to class. After class I had another fouette rehearsal... Which I would rather not discuss. It went well turn-wise and that is all I will say. Anyway, I came home and watched New Girl until dance began again and I returned to the studio. Practice went well and now I'm just flat-out exhausted. I hit the wall a little too hard in my tap dance and my toes are sore from the fouettes, but that's dance for ya. And all the complaining? Yeah that's just me. It's not actually that bad. I just like talking and sometimes complaining is all I can think to say.

I'm pooped. And this song keeps coming on my radio: Get Lucky by Daft Punk

Sweet dreams! I shall write you tomorrow!

Jam, Flowers, S'mores, and a Puppy.

Hello my dear people, how you be today? Today I have been incredibly productive! I woke up much earlier than I would have liked to to assist my mother in making blackberry jam, my favorite. The jam came out wonderfully. Have you ever made anything or grown something in a garden and then ate it and just felt so proud of yourself? It's something you've created! AND its good!!

After our jam was complete and jarred and all the lids had popped, signifying our skill in sealing jars, we went to a nursery and picked out some lovely flowers to decorate our garden with. Today, an exciting event was happening--it does not include our flowers but this is where it began. We planted our flowers and as we were doing so, my grandmother came over with her dog, Harley, and told us my grandpa was on his way back. This is the exciting part. My grandpa was coming back with his new puppy, and who doesn't love puppies?!? So we stalled. It was worth the wait.

This is the cutest little puppy--aside from my own dog who didn't even look real when she was a puppy. This is my excitement of the day. This and my dinner.

We made a campfire in our fire pit and roasted hot dogs and made deliciously sticky s'mores. (: Today has been a swell day. Enjoy a puppy:



Music: Whisper by A Fine Frenzy

A Summer Challenge

Good morning sunshine... the world says hello! Just kidding. It's not morning and the world doesn't say hi. I have a challenge for myself. So this entire summer (I'm starting with small goals because I usually do not tend to complete my goals...) I want to write ONE post per day here. They will most likely including something about my day. Maybe I'll rant about something stupid my boyfriend did, or maybe something funny my dog did, or maybe something I cooked that day, or maybe I'll make something up just for the heck of it. I just want to write again and think this would be a simple and fun release of my creative juices or whatever you'd like to call them. 

OH, if I don't post every day--it may be because I cannot get to an internet source. In that case, I am either on vacation, kidnapped, or I've died. Don't worry about me though, someone will take care of it. If I didn't die or if I was not kidnapped, I'll do double posts about my adventures from the past few days to make up for the time I have missed. 

So.. Come along Pond. I mean.. whoever may be reading my blog. Apparently I get views, just no comments. Anyway, this is my summer of 2013 and it officially started 2 weeks ago... I just decided to be creative today. Let the writing begin.... Tomorrow. Sleep well! Or have a good day! I'm not exactly sure what time zone you might be in.. Anyway, tomorrow. 

MUSIC: Come To Me (live from Troubadour) by the Goo Goo Dolls

I grew a beard while listening to this song. 

Life, Perks, and Other Issues

Okay so it's been a while since I've posted or said anything. Maybe no one actually reads these, but I think it helps me to let it out. I think it helps me to shout and scream and cry and maybe even once in a while write something down here, because maybe somewhere out there... someone else is feeling the exact same way.

Life is shit.

It is now and it always has been. There is no way to escape how incredibly shitty life is and there are all these quotes out there saying that happiness is accepting that life sucks and dealing with it. I don't think that can be happiness.. I'm not sure happiness even exists any longer once you reach a certain age. Definitely not the same free joy you had as a child swinging on a swing.

Another thing that's shit? People. People are shit.

Everyone is shitty. I'm shitty, he's shitty, she's shitty.  Maybe we're all shitty about different things, but we're all shitty. That is a truth of life that comes to you when you've accepted that the world is terrible place and you've decided just to deal with it.

If there is anyone out there reading this, don't worry. I have a pretty good life. I go to my community college, I plan to transfer to a university in a couple years, I eat plenty (probably more than I should, yet I'm still not overweight), I laugh a lot, and sleep enough. I just get stressed sometimes and have breakdowns. Doesn't everyone though? Doesn't everyone know how difficult things can be? Maybe happiness still does exist. Maybe happiness is fooling myself into believing that everything is fine and easy.

What brings this on, you might ask? Welp. School is a factor. I have tests coming up and projects that need to be done and I cannot wrap my head around what needs to be done first. Then on top of that I have dance class. Which is usually.. I don't know. I don't think its ever been a "release." Dance is just.. dance. With certain people and certain teachers its fun! Others... Others are terrible. Lately, the terrible seem to be standing out. Not only have I been worrying about school and dance, but also the Famine. Yay! February is Famine time! My youth pastor asked me if I would like to help take part in the planning of the Famine and I was ecstatic. "Yes I would love to help plan!" The Famine has always been an important part of my February and my religion. To me, it is the best thing my youth group does and I thought it would be fun to take part in it. Maybe I just took on too much. I'm so tired of trying so hard.. I try hard to be good at dance, try hard to finish my work on time and turn everything in with hopes of A's, I've tried hard to organize three worship services for this weekend, and I've tried hard with my friends who don't try hard back. I think I'm loosing my kindness.. I would say I need help.. and maybe I eventually will, but I think it's just them. They're ruining me.. and it's because I care too much and I try too hard.

I've been watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower a lot lately and I've come to the conclusion that it is one of my favorite movies. This movie also helps to remind me that my life, its so easy compared to his and those of the characters in the movie. To me though... my life is hard. As soon as I think that, I feel ridiculous because I know there are worse things out there..

Music: "Heroes" David Bowie (I love David Bowie)

Rant to Breathe Easy Again

Are you fucking kidding me. Where is your personality? Where are your fucking faults? I know you aren't perfect. No one is. How can one person be so incredibly fake? How can others stand it? I can't be the only one so impossibly annoyed by the way she acts as if she's the most darling little thing there ever was. Why can't others see it?

I don't understand. She isn't always like this. Sometimes she can be funny... a good laugh. Sometimes a good friend. Not so much lately.

She makes all the wrong decisions, and I know she's not the only one making these dumb decisions, I just happened to think she was better than them. I knew with my whole heart that she was better than those damn decisions, I knew that she deserved better. I guess she didn't.

"We accept the love we think we deserve." -Stephen Chbosky

It's true. Another thing that might be true.. is that once we settle... we become something worth settling for. When we lower ourselves for someone else, others see us as lowered as well.

I don't think so high and mighty of myself... I'm no where near perfect, I make mistakes and ruin things, but I strive to be better.

Don't ever lower yourself. Raise yourself up. Strive for the best. One day, you'll get it.

Music: Falling Slowly by Kris Allen

Books

Books.. are misleading. They let you believe in the fairy tale of sweet never-ending summers and everything going your way. I love believing in those kind of things. I love fairy tales even if they're just that. Fairy tales. It sort of gives you hope, to believe in the good things. Books make it look easy to connect to people. In romances, the girl is always accidentally running into her conquest, or maybe they live on the same street, or are sharing the same summer house. I've always wanted this to happen to me. To make it so incredibly easy to stay in touch, to fall in love, to be happy and close. Sometimes, it is. Most of the time, it isn't. However, no one would read a book where the girl only saw the man she loved roughly twice a year. People want a quick, continuous love story and then a happy ending. That's what we want in life too. Sadly, that's not how it works. There are the lucky ones though... The ones who do actually go to a boy-girl boarding school and fall in love and the ones who do live on the same street and end up marrying their next-door neighbor. I'm not one of them. I can't complain... too much. I have my boy. Though he doesn't live as close as I'd like him to. He makes me happy,  happier than I thought I could be, but there are still the things we can't have. We can't be as close as we'd like, we aren't as old as we'd want to be. We're too young to move forward, but I'm glad I found him and he found me.

Here I am saying books are misleading, when sometimes, they aren't. At all. Sometimes, the books are so similar to your life that its eerie. The main character does some of the exact same things you do, wears the same kind of shoes, has the same type of favorite cake, their best friend acts exactly like yours.. Sometimes, the books are too close to reality. And then, in that situation, you want everything to go well. So so well for them, because they're just like you! Then when it doesn't, you're so devastated, because it's like its you things are going bad for..

I suppose I'm sitting on the fence about whether I consider them misleading or not.. I've just always thought that life was so much harder than my books made it out to be. If I ever write a book, though.. mine would be the fairy tale kind... Close to reality, but so much happier.

To close, my suggested read, "The Summer I Turned Pretty" and a song to get you by, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aD12z02BOXY

I'm happy. It feels so good.